A summer of weddings (Rye, Paphos, Hampshire, Brighton and Liverpool)Friday, 8 June 2012
|Me at Gareth's wedding in Florida |
(photo by the amazing Marina Williams at ArtPool)
Actually, I can't remember much of Four Weddings. All I can recall is someone called Ducky, maybe? And a lot of swearing at the start? And then the lovely Scottish man reading Stop All The Clocks at the funeral.
But I digress.
It's important to view weddings as a little holiday. Particularly when you have a lot of them to attend. And when they all involve a flight, they are holidays. Which is why I'm going to review them as such.
Yes, I'm going to review weddings. But don't worry, I won't be scathing or mean about anyone's (not on here, anyway). It'll all be above the belt.
But before I begin, allow me to give you a bit of advice, as an almost professional wedding guest.
1. Don't go buying a new dress for each one.
Nobody cares. They really don't. You see the dress in the top picture? I bought that in a thrift store in San Francisco a few days before Gareth's wedding, for $5. It just got another airing in Paphos, where I was last week. Though it does lead me to the next point...
2. Check your dress isn't see through before the wedding day.
Trying it on in said thrift shop to the sounds of "Yeah, it's fine. Let's go and get a burrito" probably isn't sufficient. You will be in for a surprise when you get ready on the day.
3. Try not to sit too close to the girl who cries "When's it going to be MY turn?"
Because that girl does exist, I promise you. And it aint pretty.
4. When the cops arrive to break up a post-wedding beach party, don't drunkenly call them the "worst strippers ever".
Because they are NOT strippers. And American policemen have guns.
That really happened, by the way. And it was brilliant.